The Death Note Cast Yell at the Fandom
by Pancake Mix
Summary: The Death Note cast isn't very pleased with how it's fandom treats them. So they take matters into their own hands! Sequel to my Naruto fanfic of a similar name. Request by Blue Wallpaper. I don't own any of the characters within this fic. Updated often!
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

It's finally here! I may be a fast reader…yeah, I finished the Death Note Manga about…uh…2 weeks ago…I've just been extremely lazy. And I want a good start to things.

As for the um, context…well, considering I have to involve all the characters, most of which, L, Mello, Matt, etc. are dead, it'll require some suspension of disbelief. Particularly in how everyone actually begins meeting.

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Near was bored. Don't mistake him, he was very glad the whole Kira thing was over with, or at least Light himself was. Kira's followers were still rife.

"He certainly did change the world, I do have to hand him that." Near mused. Near had an endless supply of toys, though. Such was the way of the genius, to have some quirk to go along with the vast intellect. And so, he looked around, and happened to find a Jack Sparrow action figure.

"But why is the rum gone?" Near imitated Jack as best as he could. Of course, no pirate mischeif would be complete without a hat. Unfortunately, the only paper nearby was some sheets of Death Note paper Near had saved. He didn't tell anyone, and he in fact worried about the temptation to use it, but a trump card like THAT was worth having around. And so, Near, taking a sheet, began folding it into a paper pirate hat! Very proud of himself, he placed his new headgear on his, well, head. Suddenly, the room began to spin, and Near felt nauseous, and his vision became so blurry he couldn't tell WHAT he was looking at. Hindsight, Death Note's probably had uses Near wasn't aware of…

When Near came too, he couldn't believe his eyes. There was L, His predecessor, standing over him! Or rather slouching. With a slice of cake in hand.

"Don't look so surprised." L spoke up.

Near, with great reason, was concerned "Am I dead?"

Matsuda piped up "Nope!"

Near was obviously curious then. "Then what's going on?"

"You put a hat made of Death Note paper on your head. Your hallucinating!" Spoke up Ryuk between huge bites of apple.

Light, AKA Kira, spoke next, strangely pacified. "Strangely, we'll be saying things you weren't aware of. I think the Death Note has something to do with it."

Near Sweatdropped. "Is Mello-"

"DAMN RIGHT I AM!" Yelled Mello, furious at Near as usual, eating a chocolate bar, also as usual.

Near backed up, slightly worried that he would be attacked. Sure, in brainpower, he could outwit anyone, but physical activity was not his strong point! "What's going to happen, then? And why aren't you all fighting?"

Matt took his cigarette out of his mouth and tapped it, ash falling ot the floor. "We've found a common enemy."

Near was startled, though he didn't show it. "A common enemy? Who? Or what?"

"THIS." Light said, pointing to a computer which had several windows open. DeviantArt, Youtube, etc. All the major online media websites.

Near took a closer look at them. "Oh…OH…oh…is that what I think it is?"

Ryuk Nodded. "You humans call it Yaoi, right?"

Near Gulped. Light swore. L….kept eating sweets as usual. Matsuda was asking Ide questions. "Ide, Ide, Ide! What's an Uke?"

"I'll tell you when your older."

Light took the lead at that point. "We've decided we're not going to take this anymore. We're going to show these stupid, mindless 'fans' what we think of them. We're going to…Yell at the Fandom."

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First Chapter complete, yayz! I really have nothing to say here. Rate, Review, Recycle!


	2. Chapter 2 Light and Ryuk

I was a little surprised how half the comments (In other words, 2) on the first chapter, as of typing this, related how funny the Death Note Pirate Hat was.

I should take this chance to note, pun intended, thaat this will be rather short compared to my previous 10-normal-chapter (plus two filler chapters) Naruto Cast YATF. There's just not as many characters, I mean, 9 out of 10 chapters in the manga are about Whoever happens to be around Light. Unlike Naruto. That focuses on whoever happens to be around Sasuke. grumble

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"Yell at the fandom?" Near inquired, a bit perplexed.

Light explained the concept. "It's been done before. Ryuk and I will demonstrate. There's a webcam in the corner over there, what we say is currently being broadcast on to the internet."

"You humans can be both interesting…and completely disgusting!" Ryuk added. If Ryuk ever saw the faces of the people who wrote Yaoi of HIM, there'd be hell to pay.

"Let's begin, Ryuk. Put the apple cider down."

Ryuk didn't want to. "No! It's like…What do you call it? It's like…not alcohol, but some addictive solid made into an addictive liquid."

"Bongwater?" Ide offered.

"You'll have to tell me what that is later, but it DOES sound like something that would be invented sooner or later!" Ryuk replied. There wasn't much Ryuk knew about human drug habits. Sure, he'd given a Death Note to a guy who was drunk out of his mind before, just to see what would happen, but that was about it. What followed after that became known to humans as "World War I". Ryuk was in hysterics over that one for months.

Light butted in then. "Let's go already! Right, Right, Right. First of all, Show of hands everyone, who here is gay?"

No hands were raised.

"YA SEE THAT? NO ONE HERE IS A 'SEME' NO ONE HERE IS AN 'UKE'!" Light roared at the Webcam. "AND NO, BUTTBABIES ARE NOT MADE, M-PREG IS IMPOSSIBLE, GET OVER IT!"

"Yeah! Misa's Light-kun is straight, he loves Misa!" It was obvious who said that in the small crowd of people. Only one girl spoke in 3rd person.

"EXCUSE ME?" Takada yelled at Misa. "LIGHT'S MINE, YOU LITTLE SLUT!"

"SLUT? MISA'S NOT A SLUT, SHE DRESSES LIKE THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS FANS WHO LIKE HER BECAUSE SHE'S MISA, NOT BECAUSE SHE'S KIRA'S SPOKESBITCH!"

"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A BITCH!"

"This is what you humans call a catfight, right?" Ryuk asked Light.

"No, A catfight is when they-"

"PUNCH SMACK WHACK BITCHSLAP HAIR-YANK SCRATCH SCRATCH POKE WHANG!"

"-Do that." Ligth finished, facepalming. "Okay, those two aside, Since we're on the age old woe of anime characters, gay pairings, I'd have to be pretty damn mad. I mean, Every single person I'm paired with is someone I WANT TO KILL! YOU HEAR ME? KILL, NOT SCREW!"

"Wait, what was that 'whang' noise from Misa and Takada?" Matsuda asked, not having been able to see the fight.

"I think it was an aluminum folding chair." Someone in the back added.

"WAIT YOUR TURN!" Light practically bellowed, now very annoyed with all the interruptions. At least L and the Wannabe L brigade were keeping their mouths shut. Or mostly shut, L and Mello were devouring chocolate cake together.

"Okay, Off topic, I wanna know why some of these guys are so popular. I mean, Mello's so freakin' girly! Why does he get fangirls? Or you know, the question should be, Who's the gay one? Us, the guys who wanna kill each other, or the fangirls who obsess over the girliest looking men they can!?" Light was nearly yelling now.

Ryuk pushed Light out of the way though. "I wanna talk now! And hey, to answer your question, maybe it's because the fans can actually comprehend your name! It's written as "Tsuki" but pronounced "Raito" in Japan for crying out loud! That's like naming someone Robert and calling him Bob!"

"Uh, Actually…" Matsuda piped up, "That's…pretty common in English-speaking countries."

"…….You humans make no sense at all. But I think you're a pretty amusing bunch to watch. I mean, take Light." Ryuk was amused, recalling a particularly funny period of time. "Back when he first got the Death Note, he would write furiously, and with all sorts of flourish, so much so he'd actually overwork hiself and tire out!"

--Begin Flashback Sequence--

Light was sitting at his desk, writing, just as Ryuk described, with all the force in his body, going faster and faster and faster with each name. "Hah…Hah…" He was even panting, for god's sake!

"This is the closest thing you have to sex, isn't it?" Ryuk joked.

--End Flashback Sequence--

Matsuda was giggling like a little boy who heard someone else fart, L looked actually quite amused, Ryuk picking on Light was rather funny to watch.

"Okay Okay, jesus….Ugh, I lost my train of thought, one of you guys take over!" Light yanked the microphone away from Ryuk and threw it at the rest of the cast…

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So ends Chapter 1. I really don't have anything to say down here, I wonder how those other authors always come up with things to say. That's kinda frightening…I can think up dialogue for anime characters but not myself!


	3. Chapter 3 Misa and Matt

Hoooo…that was one unnecessarily long break. It took longer then I thought due to family trouble, but I now have the means to resume writing. There probably won't be many more chapters, maybe 1 or 2, then the epilogue, but hey, the Death Note characters don't have as much character depth as other animes. Do we know what ANYONE'S life was like prior to the series, excluding the fact of L, Matt, Near, and Mello being at Wammy's house? No. So it's much harder to lampoon.

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Nine days after it was thrown, the microphone beaned Takada in the head, knocking her out.

"YAY! Light-kun helped his Misa out!," A certain hyperactive blonde bubbled. "I knew he preferred me to that nasty bitch!"

Cue Collective Sweatdrop.

Matt was the first to speak. "I have never seen a microphone go that high into the air. Impressive arm-strength, Kira." He grabbed the microphone off the floor. "While, in some regards, I do like how much attention I've been given to by the fans, especially the fact they tend to color me in such a way as to not make me look like a bad Christmas Story Character from the 70's, yes, I refer to my anime color-scheme, but I'm not too fond of all the MattxMello floating around."

"Agreed!" Added the effeminate boy. "WHAT DID THAT NON-SPEECH TEXT JUST SAY!?"

"Excuse me?" Matt blinked.

Near hadn't said anything for a while. Mostly out of a mix horror, exasperation, and outright surprise. Very little was making sense. He quietly muttered "What Text?" however.

Matt continued on, meanwhile. "Yes, I smoke. I got addicted to tobacco a few years back, much like L is to Sugar, Mello to Chocolate, and Near to um…acting like a little kid sometimes."

"I resent that."

"You're hallucinating this because you were playing pirate."

"…..Point taken."

"If I may Continue…" Matt trailed on, "I'd like to draw attention to my lack of screentime. Or Paneltime, as it were. I admit, I'm by no means a major character, but please, Raye Penber's girlfriend got more time then I did. And I don't even remember her NAME."

"She was his fiance!" Piped up the same random person who'd earlier explained what the "WHANG" sound effect in Misa and Takada's earlier catfight was.

"That just proves my point further, I don't even remember what her actual character significance WAS." Matt said, pointing out the facts.

"Can Misa have her turn now?"

"Oh, yes." Matt, being courteous to Misa, simply handed over the microphone at that point. He could just take it back later.

Ide raised the skin over his eyes where his eyebrows should have been in mild surprise. It wasn't often chivalry was seen, especially in such a morbid story like Death Note.

Misa immediately launched into a song, complete with J-pop music, about how much she loved Light. Where the music came from, and how long she sang was unconfirmed, but when Near finally woke up, the equivalent time of 4 days had passed, judging on the beard stubble growing on some people's faces.

Matsuda was really the only one who sat awake through the whole thing, and clapped at the very end. "That was really impressive, MisaMisa!"

"Okay, how the hell did you stay awake through that?" Ryuk inquired. "That was worse then some of the Shinigami torture's that I've seen others get into." He took a bite out of an apple, ignoring whatever response Matsuda had.

"I liked her singing! It was like a private concert!" Saintly as ever, Matsuda, strangely, was one of the only two people not to grow any facial hair. Mello was the other, he simply didn't produce enough testosterone.

"Now, Misa would like to wonder why people are always making fun of her! She's just sweet and devoted to her Light-kun, it's not anything else!"

"You dress suggestively." Ide plainly stated.

"I have to, it's the best way to get publicity, and I do it for Light-kun!"

"He's into that sort of thing, Misa?"

"Shut up, L." Light growled out.

Ide was quick to rebuke, though. "And you sound like you have a speech impediment."

"I do not!"

"Well…'Meesa' and "Misa" sound the same…" Matsuda offered, trying to help Ide.

"And the 3rd person way of speaking grates on my nerves almost as much as Episode 1 did." Near spoke this time, chipping in. Hey, he had to have watched Star Wars at some point.

Misa put down the microphone and went over to Light, pouting. "Misa's not talking anymore if they just make fun of her!"

Light sent the others a glance That CLEARLY said "You suck, now I have to deal with her."

The others ignored Light entirely, ready to listen to someone else speak for a change.

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I do hope I got things accurate enough. I couldn't resist the old "Whatever was going on when the long break between updates began took an insane amount of time" joke.


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